Most of us do, at some point, face the question of how to deal with people in our lives who have caused us great harm. It could be a girl from your high school that broke your heart, a business partner who embezzled money from the shared account, or a relative who gave up far too easily on family obligations and committments. People inflict emotional and psychological wounds on each other, and working through them can be incredibly painful.
In that, a reasonable course of action can feel absolutely unspeakable: Should we get back at them? Cut contact entirely? Become bitter? Or remain dignified and polite while bracing for attack? The answer most likely lies on a spectrum of all of that. But as difficult as this dilemma can be, there is help available, including in the form of wisdom from scriptures like the Bhagavad Gita.
Dharma: Responding with Righteousness
The Bhagavad Gita depicts Prince Arjuna’s spiritual conversation with Lord Krishna on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. Overwhelmed by the idea of facing his relatives, Arjuna seeks direction from Krishna. Krishna responds by introducing the idea of Dharma or moral obligation. He emphasizes that what is ethically and spiritually right should motivate behavior, not attachment, fear, or fury. Dharma doesn’t imply being quiet or letting abuse go when someone wrongs us. It means answering with integrity acting from a position of inner balance instead of emotional reactivity. Being kind in these kinds of circumstances involves deciding not to allow the negativity of others to drag you down to their level; it does not indicate weakness.
Karma Yoga: Let Go of the Outcome
Krishna talks about karma yoga, which is the act of performing action without attachment to its fruits. This teaching can be compelling when dealing with hurt and betrayal. You have the right to do something, speak your truth, and walk away, but control over the outcome is not yours. You may not receive an apology you deserve; he may never change. But aligning yourself with your values enables you to avoid the regret and resentment that accumulate over time. The objective is not to control emotion but to be able to rise above it. This is strength—not retaliation, but in the discerning, wise, non-attached response.
Setting Boundaries with Compassion
Having said that, detachment does not equal being devoid of emotion or passively putting up with unacceptable behavior. The Gita does not tell you to stay next to those who hurt you. It demands wisdom from you, which translates to healthy boundaries for some people. Distance can be compassionate, especially with people who harm you; it breathes forgiveness. You can leave a relationship for your own good, not out of spite, but to honor yourself. Being kind does not mean maintaining closeness; it means having the fortitude to exercise mental clarity.
Feel What You Feel, But Don’t Be Controlled by It
Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize the truth of emotional suffering. The Gita does not overlook Arjuna’s pain. Krishna patiently hears him out, then offers a different view. Therefore, like Arjuna, we must feel sadness, anger, and disappointment without taking any actions based on those feelings. Processing emotions through journaling, meditating, or talking openly with a trusted friend creates the mental clarity necessary to make balanced decisions. The denial of feelings is not emotional intelligence; rather, it is the recognition of feelings.
Forgiveness: Letting Go for Your Own Peace
Forgiving others is part of healing, and in the Gita, it’s more about freeing your spirit than condoning their actions. Forgiving someone means you no longer carry the emotional burden of another person’s actions. You release, not for them, but for you. It does not involve forgetting or acting like it never happened. Rather, it is choosing to embrace non-identification with suffering instead of abundant suffering and unconditional love instead of resentment.
Let Karma Take Its Course
One comforting aspect of the law of karma is how it was explained in the Gita. No matter what you do, good or bad, there will always be a consequence for it. You always need to take care of yourself first. Do not feel burdened by any wrong that was inflicted upon you, because in due course that person will get what is coming to them. You do not need to be physically violent, nor do you need to punish anyone. Let the universe and the person rest while they face the consequences of their actions.
Choosing Clarity Over Chaos
It is correct to say that when we feel hurt, it is tempting to react without thinking about the repercussions. The best way is to take a second and remind yourself what the most strength-to-anger response can be. You can express hurt without pretending that it isn’t there to be felt. Focus instead on the hot words or actions, but still be gentle by responding to the urge to slap someone with kindness.
As Krishna says in the Gita, “Be steadfast in yoga, O Arjuna. Perform your duty and abandon all attachment to success or failure” (Bhagavad Gita 2.48). In trying to achieve balance and inner peace, it is crucial to stay compassionate and wise amidst the testing nature of the outside world. In this case, spiritually mature means remaining kind and empathetic while being strong. Strength does not come from being indifferent but from experiencing the compassion that allows one to be patient with the world around them. Along these lines: compassion does not equate to weakness, kindness is not associated with being foolish, and detachment does not mean denial. These attributes characterize an individual gracefully embracing their Dharma.
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